Okay. I've been staring at the cursor for more than I should be. I don't know how to start or if I really have the nerve to continue writing this post. I was just blog hopping, I read some posts, commented and linked some bloggers when *he-who-must-not-be-named* suddenly popped in my mind. I know I'll hate myself after posting this.
Have you ever been into a relationship wherein you thought *he's the one*? You already accepted him with all your heart and you're ready to plan the future with him but suddenly he's gone? Like a bubble, he just disappeared in thin air? Then you're left hanging, crying and praying he comes back? Duh.
I've been blogging for more than a year now. I created this blog so I can have a little place to pour my heart out. But it turns out that I only post things I want people to know. I seldom talk about *uber personal* emotions here. I limited myself so you, if ever you're reading this, won't think that I am some sort of [???NEVERMIND.] Anyway. This is one of the days I hate myself for being so...transparent.
He's gone and he's not coming back. When are you gonna wake up and realize that you've been holding on for too long. You're slowly killing yourself. You let him ruin whatever's left in you. He left. And that's how it's gonna be no matter how many salty liquid falls out from your eyes. Your tears, no matter how precious they are, won't be able to buy his heart. No matter what his reasons for leaving are, point is, he chose to leave despite his understanding that you'll be hurt. He chose to live life without you so you must do the same. Live every single day like it's gonna be the last day of your life.
He just doesn't care anymore. Accept the fact that he no longer thinks of you. Stop spying his facebook profile. No matter how long you stay on his page or how many comments you make on his posts, you'll never get his attention back. The moment he left, he also created an invisible wall that separates his world from yours. He doesn't care about you. He's not interested what you're up to. So go collect the pieces of yourself rather than forever mourning on his disappearance. There's a life out there. A life you failed to see when he was around. It's your fault anyway. You feed your mind with false reality.
Accept that he's no longer yours. Don't expect that you'll get a reply whenever you message him. You'll just hurt yourself. People may say that the only thing you should do is move on. Nah. There's no such thing as moving on. Nobody loves a person and just suddenly forgets the feeling. Unless otherwise you consciously try to do so. The mind, the heart, they both remember. The only possible thing here is ACCEPTANCE. Once you accept things won't work your way, you'll begin to heal. Slowly. Nothing comes easy, so they say.
*It still hurts you know. :( But for what it's worth, thank you for being part of my life. I loved you and I guess I'll always will. I already accepted the fact that you're gone...forever. I may look back at the memories we shared sometimes but believe me, I'll never stay in the past. I'm closing the door, or should I say, I closed the door. I wanted to throw away the key. But for some reason, I just can't.