Till We Meet Again, Yuki.

How are you up there, Yuki? I bet you're running like a whirlwind in God's garden, aren't you? Or perhaps you are flying? Did God finally give you wings, which I think you wished back when you were still a puppy? Did you make any friends there already? I really hope so...

I miss you (so much), you know. *wipes tears*

Yesterday, when I visited you in the vet's clinic, I was so sad. Seeing you in that condition really broke (still breaks) my heart. When you barked at me, what were you trying to say? Were you asking me to take you home? Were you yelling that you missed me? Or were you saying goodbye? I wish I know... :'c You must've exerted too much effort to communicate with me. :'c

When you were reaching for me with your weak paws, I really really wanted to cry right there. But instead, I cuddled you because I know, I just know, that's what you want, right? You snuggled your nose in my armpit like you always do when I'm holding you. I let you sleep for awhile because you looked really tired. I'm sorry if I asked you to fight. I'm sorry if I was so selfish for wanting you to stay. I'm sorry if I left you in the vet's clinic for another night. I was desperately hoping, wishing, praying,  for you to get well. I didn't want to let you go...

Last night, I prayed to God for your recovery until I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, that's what I was still praying for. But, the inevitable came...

I received a text message from the vet that you already flew to heaven. She told me that around 5am, you had difficulty in breathing and you were crying. Were you calling for me, Yuki? :'c I wish I was there. That's what I regret the most---not being there when you left. :'c

Since the day you got confined, I became scared of reading text messages that are sent to my phone... I was so scared that I might receive a very bad news. I didn't know what to do when I read the message. I felt like crying but no tears fell from my eyes. I didn't want to believe it, you know...

When I told mom about what happened, that's when the tears came out. I sobbed. Endlessly.

I really understand why you left Yuki. I am not angry. But I am sad. No. I am miserable. When you were brought home by my brother, I could not move. You were in a box, sealed. I know I had to look one last time, so, I apologize if I opened the box just to see you. Feel you. Smell you. It seemed like you were just peacefully sleeping there...

Kuya made you a nice sleeping place in our garden. That's where your earthly body is now. You know how much mom love that garden. I guess you'll never run out of flowers, ey?

Do you like what I did here, Yuki?

All day, I've been wiping my tears. Who would greet me now when I come home from work? Who would bark at the lizards, mosquitoes, spiders or whatever's on the wall now that you're already in heaven? Who would wake me up in the morning when it's late and I'm still asleep? Sino na kasabay ko kumain pag walang tao sa bahay? Sino na ipaghahanda ko ng pagkain sa umaga kahit male-late na ko sa work?  :'c These questions are all too painful to answer.

I know you are happy now, Yuki... I wanted to let go of this selfishness I feel. You are now in a better place. You will continue looking out for me, won't you? You will still be my protector. God and you. Tell Him that I will soon be okay with His decision to take you away. He has reasons, I know. I just need time, a lot of it I think, to get over this sadness. I think He's teaching me to be stronger... He knows better than I do after all.

Tomorrow, and for a million, ten million, billion other tomorrows that may come (if I'm still alive), I'll keep you in my heart, Yuki---my superdog.

Till we meet again...

P.S. Don't chew on God's furniture, okay? And, remember, I LOVE YOU. No one can take it.
Yuki and Me

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21 lovely comments Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ:

  1. Sorry to read the sad news. It really hurts to say goodbye to somebody we love especially if parts of our family. Condolence!

  2. It's really sad when we lose our pets but your pets will be just be there as your guardian and will always appreciate how you took care of Yuki.

  3. What a cute pet, condolence for the lost. I'm sure your friend Yuki will just right there, always guiding you because of the love you gave to him

  4. Condolence for the lost of your Pet, Im sure Yuki is now happy wherever she is.

  5. I'm so sorry to hear about this sad, sad news. Condolence for the lost. I know how hard it is to see your best bud going. We've also been in the same situation a few times in the past. I'm sure Yuki is happy in heaven though where there's no more pain and sicknesses. And I'm positive that Yuki loves you and will be looking out for you from up there :)

  6. I salute you for giving your pet a honorable burial. You deserve to own a lot of pets because you have a nurturing heart.

  7. So adorable. That one is so cute. Sad that your friend left already but I know she is happy na kung saan man sya. :)

  8. May puso ako para sa mga so. Halos maiyak na ako sa story ng dog mo. He was a brave dog and base on your account, talaga very thoughful and loyal siya. Hinahanda ko na rin ang sarili ko sa time nsa my dear Sarsi will leave me. He is 12 years old na.

  9. the question is, do dogs go to heaven? do they have souls like people? preachers say that we must take Christ into our hearts to go to heaven but how can a dog like Yuki accept Christ? my guess is, animals are exempted and when they die they go directly to heaven...

  10. ZOmg, I remember my dad as well crying and lost his apetite eating when our dog died ! haist.. nkakalungkot RIP po.

  11. Awww... our pets really become somewhat like the extension of ourselves especially when we've loved them for years. It's hard to say good bye to them.

  12. I remember my puppy when he was suffering and I was just there standing, not knowing what to do until he died.. it's really painful.. :(

  13. You have such a cute dog, I like the dog's fur; white, clean and healthy looking.

  14. hay nako sis kaya ayaw ko magalaga ng dog.. di ko kakayanin pag nawala sila hehe

  15. Awww... I feel you. I felt so bad when my dog passed away and now I remembered her again after reading this post. And just like you, I look forward to seeing her again one day

  16. I am so sorry to hear your lost... but I believe that all dogs go to heaven, why wouldnt they? They are one of God's perfect creatures... But what i also believe that even though our dogs are not with us physically, they will always be with us, guiding us and comforting us... They are not just our dogs anymore, they are now our spiritual guides, our very own angels

  17. I'm sorry to know about your lost. I remember my old dog when I was only 5 years old because of this post.

  18. I'm sharing the same feeling when my old buddy passed away. I still thank God for having my pet the past 3 years. I had great memories with him and I always remember.

    I'm sure Yuki had a great time with you. You don't have to be sad

  19. it is sad to get departed to your love ones .. in your case yuki... your favorite dog must be enjoying where she is now .. with your love and affection ....

  20. Sis, ;-( naiyak tuloy ako ulit. It just always hard noh?

    1. yes sis. :( The pain never goes away. :(